Ever since Dane died, this has been one of two mantras of mine. The first deals with getting up and putting my feet on the floor every morning which was harder than it sounds in the months after Dane’s death.
Peace over productivity helps me keep some perspective. I have had to make some difficult choices in the past year, including giving up my school and letting a house go without a fight. This is okay. Peace over productivity means I am giving myself the option of not turning everything into a battle royale; it helps me remember what is important and focus on that.
I am still busy. This morning I applied for two more freelance jobs, wrote two articles, edited another ten that were finished and need to be submitted Friday, invoiced two clients, and took The Child to get her braces off. And now I am working on ten more blogs due next Friday and writing this.
I do yoga five to seven times a week, and I am in the process of making our house suitable for renters, which means replacing the steps off the back deck (then power washing and sealing the deck and privacy fence), putting raised beds in the front of the house, painting the deck railings, selling golf clubs and a snowboard (anyone need either of those?), and still during all of this teaching Sicily. And finding a temporary home in Charm City, locating parking for the tiny house (and coordinating that move), securing a truck and a storage space...all of the stuff that happens in an interstate move.
In addition, I have taken two naps this week. And I may take a third today. Still early.
Letting go of what is not real to me, pursuing another dream (writing), and allowing myself the freedom to choose what I spend my time on is a revelation. It is hard to be so far outside the expectation of society with the way I live my life, but it is my life, and it is luxurious to know that I can make it whatever I truly want.
I still feel stress and anxiety. There is no escaping that for me. But I have the space I need to work around that.
I will never again buy into the cult of busy. I know that some people look at us and think we are lazy because I don't have a 9-5 and Sicily does her schoolwork in jammies. Sometimes I feel very defensive about that. But that's okay. It is no longer acceptable to me to join in the "I'm busier than you" game. I don't care how much homework your kid has (I could go into the stats and research about the futility and harm of massive homework prior to 10th grade, but I will spare you. Feel free to drop a note in the comments if you're interested, and I will smack you between the eyes with some knowledge.). I feel sad for your two-hour commute. But there is always a choice. And I choose differently.
Image by Baer Tierkel via Flickr