Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Most Important Things: Of Love and Rehab


I can't find my knives.

We are unpacked in our temporary rental, closing on the rehab this Friday, and I am ready to start cooking. But I can't find my knives. So tonight's dinner (chicken, roasted veg, and smashed potatoes) was prepared with an old steak knife. Knife cuts don't matter for any of these foods, so it should all work out just fine.

In the meantime, our first cooking blog entry looks like it is going to be bubble tea. I know, weird.

So because it's odd, I am also going to mix up a big batch of gluten-free flour and make some chocolate chip cookies. It's like I am getting ready to go and just waiting at the same time.

Only it doesn't feel like waiting. It feels like two other things simultaneously: living right now and taking advantage of what's happening in the universe.

Fact: I love what I do for a living. Sure, I need more projects to make it really profitable, but we have had a few things going on, and still have a few things going on. So for now it is at the sustainable level and allows me to make our transitions as seamless as possible. It strikes me that with all of this time and flexibility I may be vacuum parenting right now (sweeping all obstacles out of Sicily's way), but I don't care. I want her to focus on school, not whether or not we will have a place to live. If what I do allows me to take some pressure off and maybe clean the house or scoop out the kitty litter more than she does, at this point it's okay.

Fact: I love that I found this place for us and we have moved in. It's my first place since Dane died, and Sicily and I moved us in by ourselves. While that sucked a little, it showed Sicily that she can really do whatever needs to be done. And we will for sure be manipulating our next move date so that we have lots of help (because, for those of you we will be recruiting, and you know who you are, it is going to be a bear). But for now, we have set up a comfortable temporary home and have settled in nicely in just two days. Even with internet.

Fact: I am more grateful than ever for what I have. This does not include things at all. My support system of friends and family, a sunny sky when we moved, an awesome landlord, a great kid: these are the things that matter.

Today I meet another contractor at the house. My brother is meeting me there, too, so it's a family affair. Which is amazing because it feels like I am following through with the main lesson I learned in the wake of Dane's death: keeping the most important thing the most important thing. And with that all things are possible.