When I lay down to sleep, I will doze off (eventually; earliest bedtime has been two a.m.), only to come gasping awake minutes later. This goes on for several hours, every night.
I do, of course, have meds for this, but in the past I chose not to take them often because A) they are addictive, and B) I am not a fan of being addicted to things. I have taken them every day for the past five days.
Something in me is registering the anniversary of Dane's death. There are deeper forces at work here. I can be fine all day, but the light goes off and I the bell rings for a nightly battle. On Saturday, February 1st, I woke up to the sound of Dane's voice; I don't know what he said, but it was unmistakably his voice. And so it began.
It is only the 6th. For now, I am still fit for company, but many more days of this and things could get ugly. My flight instinct is kicking in, and we may need to leave town for a couple days. The Monster in the Closet is real, kids. Totally.
On a totally unrelated note, and just because I am inordinately proud of this, the Food Stadium is up on YouTube. Best Super Bowl Snack award for 2014. Yeah, I made that up. What of it?
Here it is, in all of its glory: