A couple nights ago I had a dream about Dane. Usually when I dream about him, there is a part of me that stays separate and is in the background saying, "It's a dream about Dane! Pay attention!" And the dream goes on and I wake up really happy and sad at the same time (or really confused, like in the first few months after he died when all he did was yell at me in my dreams).
This time, though, I didn't realize it was a dream about Dane until I woke up. Then, not only did I realize that it was a dream about Dane, but I also realized that it was a reminder.
Stop taking things for granted and falling into old patterns. The night of the dream I made dinner and then Sicily took hers and I took mine and we went our separate ways. We do spend a TON of time together, so it's not like I never see her, but I don't know the last time we sat down at our table and had dinner together.
We watched a movie together afterwards, and I had my computer open nearly the whole time, screwing around online instead of putting all my attention on what we were doing.
Stop letting things go by. I had a moment of panic yesterday morning when I saw a pair of earrings Sicily was wearing when I woke her up and thought, "Oh my God, she got her ears pierced and I didn't notice." (not true. Just new earrings. But WTF.)
It's really not enough to just say you are going to do something and then not follow through. I don't want to be that person. "Do or do not; there is no try": Yoda had it right. If I say I am going to keep the most important thing the most important thing, then, hey, guess what? I need to shut my yap and do it.
In the dream, Dane and I were playing cards, a strategy game of some kind, where we both had one more turn. If I played my turn correctly, I would whoop his ass. He was sitting across from me, giving me suggestions on how to do it so I would win (this is another reason it was totally a dream...that never would have happened!!), and I was ignoring him, doing it my way, my way, my way.
Well, over the past year, I have seen the flaws in my way.
Let's not get overeager: doesn't mean your way is right for me either.
It does mean that I need to be more mindful about the changes I want to make and keep putting them into practice.
So I have been trying for the past couple days, starting small, to re-connect with whatever I am doing and to stay very present. It requires re-training not to multitask but to give one thing undivided attention (try it. You'll see, naysayers.), but it is work worth doing.