Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Post Mortem Employment

Where would we be without gallows humor? It would be a sorry state of affairs.

So anyway.

I have decided that it is time to muck about and see what I might like to do for the next depressing 40 years of my life, old, sad, and alone.

Inspiring, isn't it?

In between planning international trips, I have been seeking employment of the freelance variety: writing articles, blogging, proofreading, etc. Mainly I am going for nominal compensation and building up "clips," which is fancy writer speak for "shit you wrote."

So far I have written a press release, and I managed to land a novel proofreading gig; the money is crap, but I negotiated credit in the final published edition of the book.

This novel is the worst piece of awful writing that I have ever read in my life, and I taught sixth grade students for six years (and middle schoolers in general for another decade). If you were trying to intentionally write something horrendous to win a "Best Worst Fiction Writing Contest," this novel I am proofreading would kick your ass. It overfloweth with the worst kind of adverbs, stereotypes and florid language; the author apparently decided to make use of every possible synonym for the word "said." Worse yet, it is "historical," set in the 1890s, and then the 1950s, and it is written in present tense. There is not a character in the book that I don't want to meet a violent end. It. Is. HORRENDOUS. 

I want my name out of this book.

Nevertheless. I have decided to do the most amazing proofreading job of this horrible book in the hopes that people will see my genius and offer more lucrative gainful employment. Just hopefully not from the same publishing house. Or author. Who had the nerve to dedicate the novel to his students. If I were his students, I'd be pissed.

So I am still looking. If you know anyone who needs a writer, or a very, very professional proofreader or editor, I'm your girl.

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